don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
