Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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