Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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