Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
