as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We are all done wearing pants today
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
