He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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