I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
