I think my vagina is haunted
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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