you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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