I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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