Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
