Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
