Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
