I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
