I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
