It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I could fuck to npr.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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