Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
