forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
BRING THE BAGELS
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
