I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
