ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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