If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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