yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
