i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
