ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
is wine microwaveable?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
