if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
