Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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