Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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