I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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