Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
