I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
