so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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