Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
