So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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