awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
