Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
