I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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