Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
