she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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