She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
