I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
