I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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