Ambien. No doubt about it.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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