What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Panties = found
Randomize
