listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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