i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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