I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
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Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
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So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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