There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
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