I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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