You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
