I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
