Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
