Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
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