I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
