I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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