Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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