Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He did a backflip because drugs
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