We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
