how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
