While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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