Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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