Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
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