i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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