dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
