There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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