I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
