11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
