I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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