I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
