tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
