He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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