one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
