so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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