My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
