what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
