It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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