the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
