Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
